15 days.

Seriously...I never ever ever want to smoke again....but SERIOUSLY...I feel like shit.

I don't want to do anything...I mean, I want to ...but it's so hard to find the energy to do it. I've been fighting a bug, I think, or I'm fighting depression and it's so inter-mixed for me that I'm really not sure which it is. My legs feel like I've been running a marathon....which I haven't done a thing this week that is physical.

I have a major cramp in my thigh??? How??? Don't have a clue as to how or why it's there, but it is. I find my OCD type of behaviors - yes, don't we all have them, to be getting a bit worse, if not a lot worse.

I still don't want to smoke.

So, honey, there, I updated.

Wow!

As down as my earlier post sounded - I feel really good right now.

The kids and I went to class tonight - karate. The warm up is a rather hardcore group of exercises that I've always been able to do, but got rather winded and there was one part that I could barely get through!

You see, there is this insane set of push ups that has elements of yoga in it. You stand straight, palms facing out and tucked right in front of your armpits, inner arms stuck to your sides. You fall in a straight line to the floor and you go from there to downward dog position, then into a pushup position, then you look left, raise your left leg, look right, raise your right leg, go from there back into downward dog position, then to I think it's called cobra position?, then back to dwd position and start all over again. This is done at a pretty quick pace. When you are done with the 5 reps (thankfully I'm only in the kids class - adult class does 10!!!) while your palms are still flat on the ground you jump up with your knees between your arms and go right to kick backs - this means your arms support all your weight and you sweep your body (kick it) back into a straight line and jump back up between your knees.

Yes, it is insane. Well, by the kickbacks would start, I'd be so winded and exhausted that I just couldn't do them - I'd get half of them, if that...well tonight I did them all and my daughter actually commented on it! She asked me how I was able to do them so fast! I swear it all has to do with not smoking!

Y'all just watch what I can do soon enough....dun dun dun!!!

DAY 7

FRICK...I just had this whole post and lost it.

I'm here.

Day 7

Exhausted.

Really, I am

When am I not going to be exhausted?

It's going to be a really nice wonderful spectacular day when that happens.

Motivation

Okay, I think I'm kind of hard on myself most days.

Let's put this into perspective.

No, I didn't get much done during the day yesterday.

But I did - reconnect with an old friend.

Finished washing laundry.

Cleaned up the kitchen.

Made three lunches.

Spackled the ceiling.

Made a mess.

Folded some laundry with hubby.

Helped make dinner.

Okay, so I got some stuff done, but it certainly didn't feel like it...

Sp

Day 6

I've made it this far.

Yesterday was actually quite a bad day...don't know why.

I had absolutely no motivation whatsoever!

Not even to come on here and vent.

Not a bit.

Still very un-motivated today, but I'm going to turn that around.

Went to karate last night and afterward I felt much better.

I think I really need to be doing something physical...most all the time right now...just keep moving.

Day 5

Woke up this morning before I had to... the sleep thing has been funny.

Either I'm exhausted or I'm wired.

Slept GREAT last night...slept horribly the night before.

I need to be doing stuff though...

If I thought I couldn't just chill and relax before, I really can't now. I need to be perpetually busy.

Occupied

Moving

Doing

Something

Anything

It's like I'm trying to get that high from something else that I used to get from smoking.

And, I find myself with a lot more time on my hands.

Which may sound good...but more time to fill up during my day.

Too bad I'm STILL not motivated to do the stuff I really should be doing ...like paperwork, etc.

Day 4

Waking up I didn't feel so bad. I was actually able to go back to how I used to do things:

I'd make coffee, make three lunches, make my little guy's breakfast, get my daughter on the bus, finish the dishes (either load or unload), then put the dog out and have a cig. All of that in the matter of 45 minutes to an hour BEFORE having a smoke.

Couldn't do that for 2 days - had to basically have that gum right away.

Today, nope. Did everything I usually do, then had the gum :)

Makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Had the strangest dreams last night though and really never fell into a deep deep sleep. I felt myself on the periphery all night long.

Yoga in 1 hour and 45 minutes.