72 hours later...

Still doing this thing. And here are my benefits so far...

Time after last cigarette	Physical Response
20 minutes	Blood pressure and pulse rates return to normal.
8 hours	Levels of carbon monoxide and oxygen in the blood return to normal.
24 hours	Chance of heart attack begins to decreases.
48 hours	Nerve endings start to regrow. Your ability to taste and smell increases.
72 hours	Bronchial tubes relax and the lungs can fill with more air.
2 weeks to 3 months	Improved circulation; lung function increases up to 30%.
1 to 9 months	Decreased rates of coughing, sinus infection, fatigue, and shortness of breath; regrowth of cilia in the airways, increasing the ability to clear mucus and clean the lungs and reducing the chance of infection; overall energy level increases.
Long-Term Effects	After a year, risk of dying from heart attack and stroke is reduced by up to 50%.

It helps to look at this list as a milestone achieved :) I need constant reinforcement for things I accomplish and it seems looking at something like this is really beneficial for me!!!! (As I chomp away on a piece of gum).

Overall, I'm alright. I finally took a bath and it felt great!

Relaxing and overall just good.

I cooked a really great dinner tonight, although not the healthiest, but it was tasty. I ate a lot of salad and, believe it or not, I've not been overly hungry. I was sooo hungry when I started cooking, but then when I started to eat, I really wasn't.

I have yoga in the morning, which I'm anxious to see if I feel any differently tomorrow.

Motivation

I'm not motivated today...I've done some stuff...but really, it's a struggle.

I haven't smoked - woo hoo...and I'm trying to cut myself some slack.

I HAVE stretched and done some sit ups.

I've done some laundry - not folded - but have washed it.

We went sledding...I went...wasn't into it...

I guess what I really mean, is I have done stuff today - but most of it was on my own.

That's really what I wanted - to be on my own today.

The brief conversations I've had today haven't been the nicest.

I bit my husband's head off - sorry honey.

Probably was a little too short with the kids.

I'm much better off being quiet.

Quiet is good right now.

I've not even taken a shower yet today ... that's a little frightening for me.

I can remember the times I've been at my worst depression wise, and it was usually the shower that was the first to go.

Why? I don't know, just feels like such a chore to me to undress, get in the shower, do everything like lotion, yada yada yada, the hair is wet, that needs drying, then you have to get dressed...sounds so silly when it's all typed up ... but it's exhausting thinking about it.

Really just exhausting.

My body really hurt when I woke up this morning too.

I started karate and yoga last week - it's not that kind of hurt - it's a fatigue type of hurt.

I'm muddling through though. Day three is almost over and I've made it this far.

Day Three

I'm just so tired today. Really really really tired.

I think the mornings are the worst on the tired feelings.

Let's face it, I'm not a morning person, this is no surprise to anyone who knows me, but it's that feeling, of not being awake and functional, multiplied by about 45.

Really, it is.

Just had to have my first piece of gum already.

The coffee doesn't seem to help in the mornings, or at all actually.

Isn't that weird? I wonder if there is some correlation?

I mean, I used to make a cup of coffee and I'd feel awake after I drank it.

I'm staring at my big ass mug and I don't feel anymore awake than I did when I got up a little while ago!

Whatever! I need about three more cups right now.

We didn't make it to church this morning either because I fell back to sleep.

I feel bad actually...I was the one who said to the kids, alright, remember, we're going to church tomorrow. But I could not drag my ass out of bed - no way, no how.

48 hours later

Still smoke free...in the big picture...this is not so bad...

The withdrawals are a lot less than doing this without the gum.

But it definitely concerns me about how addicting this gum is going to be for me.

I can hear a voice I know quite well "Stay in the moment"

I'm in the moment.

It's been 48 hours.

2 days.

I have not had a cigarette.

I have not fallen apart.

I have not, really, too badly, snapped at anyone.

I can do this.

I can I can I can I can

I am doing this

7:15 p.m. 1/10/09

44 hours...

I can now see why some former smokers I know have the cleanest houses I've ever been in.

You have to do something with all that pent up shtuff that you're dealing with.

I just moved all the coaches around and swept, and then reswept and swept again.

I'm edgy, but I'm also hypoglycemic right now.

Dinner's taking a little longer than I thought, but I was on a mission to get the Christmas stuff away.

It's not quite done, but almost.

I've hung up my coat in the closet.

Seems random, right?

Actually, it's not.

I always hung my coat on the newell post at the bottom of the stair because I'd always need it to go back out to have a smoke.

Well, I don't need instant access anymore.

It's hung up in the closet now.

Trying to change my habits.

Trying not to think about it.

Bought cinnamon flavored, tea tree oil toothpicks today to chew on ...it's helping.

4:45 p.m.

All I want to do is go outside ... light up and have a smoke.

Seriously.

It's all I want to do.

I feel like I've never fully woken up today.

I just want to go to sleep.

Really.

That's all I want to do.

That...and have a cigarette.

I know...how lame am I???

Teary - 12:40 p.m.

SHIT! Seriously! Tearing up..hate that feeling...don't have control over it.

Just tearing up for not apparent reason other than that's what my body wants to do.

FUCK.